What I Want to Tell My Daughter As Her Graduation Approaches

What I Want to Tell My Daughter As Her Graduation Approaches

As the school year winds down and commencement exercises well, umm commence. I have some advice for my daughter. Some of it is about job searching and some of it is a little more personal in nature. I share it here in hopes that it will assist you in encouraging your graduates in one of the most exciting times of their life.

1)      Don’t be afraid to take risks. Not stupid risks. I still want you to look both ways before crossing the street and for the love god hold an adult’s hand. A reasonable amount of risk is ok though. Examples taking stairs two at a time or coloring outside the lines if it will add to the picture.

2)      Unplug every so often. Play outside. Smell the roses. Don’t check to see if your status about playing on the slide was liked by Facebook friends.

3)        Self doubt is a sickness. You will come down with it. Be prepared to fight it off by having a list at the ready of things you have succeeded in. Number one on the list can be making your mom proud. Nobody doubts baby.

4)      As bad as failure might feel, wondering if you could have made it is worse. Try out for things. Talk to new people. Sometimes you will suck really bad at things. Practice and get better or move on to what you are good at. Learn something from the experience. No one is taking score except for you. The world is getting far too narcissistic to worry if you tripped when you were walking down the hall. If they happen to catch it, yell out “Mind your business, Suzy!”

5)      Live within your means. Don’t borrow money from mommy and daddy to buy ice cream. It’s never too early to educate yourself about the pitfalls of credit.

6)      Choose friends wisely. It’s tempting to pick the ones with the best toys. Try to look for character instead. If you are lucky you will find people that have both. Then they will not only have the best toys, but they will share them.

7)      Learn to cook and clean. Your mommy is not going to clean up after you forever (unless you pay a decent wage.) Make sure that you are studying how to be self sufficient now, so your brain doesn’t explode when you are on your own.

8)      Enjoy this time in your life. Before you know it you will be driving a mini van with kids screaming in your ear about who is touching who. At present you still have the option to be the screamer instead of the screamee. Make the most of it (around your dad.)

9)      Nobody likes a know it all. Be humble and keep your head down to learn. Sometimes even if you do know that someone took the wrong turn one time and got lost, you don’t have to bring it up every time mom drives somewhere. Continuously asking if she knows where she is going.

10)   You have time to figure it out. The clock doesn’t start right after the graduation ceremony ends. Enjoy family and friends for the summer. Make connections that last.

I hope these pieces of advice get you through the rough times ahead. In the mean time, you should know that I am so proud of you for making it through kindergarten. There were mornings that you threatened to drop out. There were mornings I threatened to leave without you. In hindsight my threats were pretty empty and you should learn to be a better judge of such things. I ran out of room on the list though, so we will agree to work on that for first grade graduation. That’s how this works now, right? Everyone gets trophies and everyone has graduations for every grade? No matter I have set you up for life with this advice.

Before you go- i have some advice.
Before you go- I have some advice.
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I Want To Lock Her In A Tower

I Want To Lock Her In A Tower
I Want To Lock Her In A Tower- probably the one on the right.

You bet your bippy I have a hard time sharing. Mother Gothel may not have been all wrong about how to handle daughters. Why shouldn’t I lock her in a tower?

It’s Not Fair

Here is what I see as not fair: I spent 4 years raising that little lady. I spent time choosing who and what she was exposed to. The daycare she went to, the play mates that she had, and the things that she heard.

Now all the sudden she starts school and I’m supposed to share her? I am supposed to allow people that I haven’t approved to be around her? I’m supposed to let her replace me as her best friend? I love being her best friend. I know some of you are saying “That is what is wrong with America- parents being friends…” Simmer down now. She’s 5. She doesn’t have a concept of that. Best friend means who she is around the most and who she tells about her imaginary boyfriends (they better be imaginary.) Right now she says that’s me, but it isn’t going to be for long. I am going to have to share that title.

She Isn’t Sure Who To Believe Anymore

This little girl that is the light in my life must be shared with a bigger circle in the world now that I’ve let her go to school. Maybe I shouldn’t let that happen. This little girl that trusted me unconditionally is starting on the path where things get a little more confusing. I don’t like it. I’ve seen small instances of what’s to come:

“Sammy says there are purple, face-eating monsters in our world. Is that true?”

I let her know it isn’t and then it’s all

“Sammy said, though.”

Sammy needs to shut his trap a little bit now, doesn’t he? Where did Sammy get all his facts? How many years has Sammy been on this planet? I think I would have seen or heard about them in my thirtyhrrrrmphcoughthree… years. Quick question here: I’m right, right? You haven’t heard about them either? I knew it!

I don’t want to share the limelight in answering her questions with Sammy. Sammy obviously knows nothing. Sammy hasn’t put in any time and he’s spouting off like he’s some kind of information expert.

I Miss Being “The Person” In Her Life

I want things to stay simple. I want to be able to flip the switch on these “Sammy’s” that try and feed misinformation. I want to shield her from still other people that would have her feel bad about herself. I will crush them.

How can I share her with a world I don’t trust to nurture her? I guess the way is to teach her to nurture herself. I guess the way is to teacher her what to share and with whom.

Argh- I guess that is the way. That isn’t what I want to do. I don’t wanna share! I don’t wanna! You can’t make me!!
Please check out my piece on bonbon break : http://www.bonbonbreak.com/signs-that-you-need-a-vacation/


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5 Times I Was Made Speechless by My Own Spawn

5 Times I Was Made Speechless by My Own Spawn
5 Times I Was Made Speechless by My Own Spawn

I feel this list is only going to get longer as the years go on. However hopefully I can learn from these as I study and relive them nightly. Looking for the places I left holes in my defenses, the ways that they were able to manipulate me into showing my weaknesses, and growing immune to their smiles. Sadly there are these examples of when I was made speechless by my own spawn.

  1. My 3 year old approaches me. She looks me in the eye moves to my face and begins to blow raspberries. I question her sanity… I mean I question what she is doing this for. She responds with “You get what you get and you don’t throw a fit.” I inform her that I don’t believe that is the intent behind that saying. She tidies up our exchange and replies “Well, it’s a good thing to say though.” Boom goes the dynamite.
  2. 6 year old and 3 year old girls are wrestling. Stepping on knee caps and pulling hair. I inform them to stop. They can’t quite figure out why. I inform them that it’s pretty much common sense that you don’t step on your sister’s. They look at me questioningly and say “What’s common sense?” I feel like I have my smarty pants on so I say, “Well, it’s like how no one needs to tell you not to walk on the ceiling…” thinking that will be a good example. My eldest responds “So it’s like gravity?” Damnit. She’s mocking me right? That innocent act isn’t going to fly here. Another common sense thing don’t outsmart your mother or you get grounded forever.
  3. My 3 year old (at the time) informed me on the way home that she kissed a boy at daycare because they were married (same kid she wanted me to call the cops on for not letting her play with him the day before. I obviously should have tried to get him locked up while I could). I said “Do you feel like 3 is a little too young to be kissing boys?” She answered “yes, I should only kiss girls now.” Well played Sophie. Not exactly what I was trying to say, but your logic is hard to argue. That point goes to you. I shall shut my mouth.
  4. My 4 year old says this morning after changing clothes ” this is a disaster!” I said “really? What does that mean?” (I think I know, but I was testing her and I couldn’t reach my dictionary) She said “it means Daddy needs to clean up.” Isn’t that the sweetest?! I swear when she comes up with this stuff I can’t decide who’s brain washing who. I think I’m supposed to be the brain washer, but it’s tempting to be the brain washee with the genius she spouts at times like these.
  5. My 5 year old: famous for such quotes as: “daddy you’re making me annoying.” We kind of agree on that, I mean if there is an annoying bone in her body it is inherited from him. And “mommy you need to put this Chapstick on, so your prince can come.” We call that feminism- no lipstick here to attract princes. You can accept me how I am!

There you have it. As you can see they aren’t all bad. I do however prefer to be the most entertaining in the room at my house. That is getting harder by the day- some would say that it has only happened when I’m in the room alone to begin. I don’t like those people.


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Quick Non-work Related Question

Quick Non-work Related Question

“Ok, Dawn. Quick non-work related question. When I’m here, like this far away from you. Do you smell anything?”

“Mandy, again no. I can’t. Did you shower today?”

“Yes, I just feel like I smell. I just had to check. Ya know how sometimes if clothes sit in the washing machine too long. I feel like I smell that. But you don’t get that smell wafting over here when I came by?”

This is a conversation that takes place between me and my coworker/friend probably 4 times a month. I can only assume that she enjoys these exchanges as much as I do.

I might not “enjoy” them as much as I require them to put my mind at ease. And it does put my mind at ease… for a good 5 minutes. And then I think of something else. Does my hair smell funny? Did that new perfume I used react badly with my skin and make me smell. Shoot, I used up my one “ask a friend” now what do I do?

I know. I will run to the bathroom to wash my hands to see if that will help. I mean soap will fix it. Or febreeze. Do I have any febreeze? Nope. Why don’t I ever buy some of that? That seems like it would help in this situation. Well, probably not if it’s my hair that stinks.

Hands washed. Back to my desk. Was that soap a different kind than normal? I feel like it’s a little too much. Does that soap smell a little too smelly? That decidedly didn’t fix the problem.

Hello, my name is Mandy and I am a smellaholic. It’s like an alcoholic, but instead of seeking out alcohol for a fix I seek out fear of my smells. I guess what I mean by that is that it is nothing like alcoholism, but I wanted a name for my problem. I don’t think we should focus on that.

I don’t think I have any incredibly deep seeded smell issues. I wasn’t like the smelly kid growing up. My mom has pointed out several times that I was bathed daily. Ok maybe here is where it stems from. My mom is a neat freak. I know. I know. How original- your problems are due to your mother? No, I’m not admitting that I have a problem. We are not in smellaholics anonymous. I don’t have to admit jack to anyone.

That came off defensive and I apologize. Here is what I want to say about the smell thing. I don’t always think it’s a certain smell which I guess goes to show that it’s just in my head. It’s like the saying if you were crazy, you wouldn’t question if you were crazy. If I smelled would I be questioning how I smelled? I mean don’t answer that unless you are around me and if you are around me, let’s show some decorum. Try to be a little more like Dawn. Don’t play into my phobia.

The one thing you should not do if you have this phobia is to have children. I’ll tell you this from experience. I have a precious little 3 year old that like to complain about my breath to me first thing in the morning. Umm, hello 3 year old do you think yours is better? It is not. Then I came home from work today and she came to cuddle with me. She loudly announced “Awww mommy you breath stinking. You ate at work!” Yes, wee one I did eat at work. I needed sustenance. Do know that word? Oh maybe look it up in your three year old dictionary. It’s under “s” like stinky.

I guess what I’m ending on is that it wasn’t my mother that caused me this problem afterall. I am not a cliché. It is my three year old that has beat me down. In the most adorable way. What a plot twist.




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